A Real Saki Life
by Paulzies
Summary: Saki thought her new name fit her situation perfectly. Who in their right mind would want to be reborn in a backwards world where there's no internet, no cars, no TV and...woah, are those ninjas? [SI-OC Fic]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, I have a new Naruto Fic. It's going to be totally different from Unlucky Twin in that Saki's a SIOC. I wrote this because I wanted to try writing a First Person Fic from a totally normal person's perspective. Depending on the reception, I might work on this full time. I haven't given up on Unlucky Twin yet of course, though I've hit sort of mental block on it for the moment.**

**Chapter 1:**

"Jiraiya-sensei."

"Yeah, Minato?"

"Is it really a good idea to have this talk in a bar?"

"I don't see anything wrong with it. Besides, they have baby stools here! She'll be fine."

I rolled my eyes. Because _of course_ the bars in the Naruto-verse have baby chairs. In fact, the owner was even kind enough to give me a glass of warm milk while Jiraiya and Minato sat across me with their beers.

Actually, I liked the baby stool. It beat sitting on Jiraiya's lap. Ever since meeting me a few days ago, the legendary ninja had taken every opportunity to consume alcohol, and his breath was really paying the price.

Or maybe he was just like that all the time.

Minato stared at me uncertainly.

I swallowed. The future Fourth Hokage really _was_ a prettyboy. His blond hair looked so soft and smooth, and his blue eyes looked so deep and vulnerable. I _really _wanted to give him a peck on his cheek, but getting out of the baby chair was a hassle by itself. That, and it would have been weird for a four year-old girl to to kiss a grown man on the cheek out of the blue. If only I'd been born here a little earlier, I might've considered stealing him away from Kushina.

"Are you okay, Saki-chan?"

I stuck out an adorable little thumb (baby hands are so _cute_).

"I'm good," I said.

Then I took a large gulp of my milk.

"She's uh...got your hair," Minato said awkwardly, looking back to Jiraiya.

"Not completely," Jiraiya amended. "The white bit's obviously mine, but it's straight and silky like her mother's."

And _thank god for that_. White was a weird enough color already, but could you imagine a girl with rough and spiky hair like Jiraiya's?

"How old is she again?" Minato asked.

"Um..." Jiraiya had a deep look of concentration on his face before turning to me with a pleading expression.

"Four years, four months and three days old," I replied for my useless father.

Minato blinked. "That's specific."

"It is," I agreed. Could you really blame me for trying to keep count of the number of days I'd spent in this messed up world? I'd thought it was a dream at first, because the last thing I remembered before all this was going to bed, but dreams don't last for four years, four months, and three days (and counting).

"And uh...who's the mother?" Minato asked.

Jiraiya blinked and faced me, a frown on his face. Was he asking me for permission?

"A whore," I answered. "She works in the red light district in Yugakure. _Somebody_ had too much fun and didn't use protection," I said, shooting a glare at Jiraiya. If he hadn't been careless back then, would I have woken up from my sleep normally?

Maybe I'd died. Well, after four years, I'd already given up trying to figure out how I got here.

Minato leaned back, looking partly impressed and partly embarrassed. "She's got quite the mouth. And spirit."

"That's probably from both the mother and me," Jiraiya lamented. "I've fathered quite the monster."

"Rude," I commented.

"What did the Sandaime say?" Minato asked.

In response, Jiraiya slammed his face onto the table and let out a large groan.

I snickered. It'd been a fun episode to watch from the comfort of the sofa in the Hokage's office.

"That bad, huh?" Minato forced a smile.

"He wanted to foist me off to an orphanage, but the old man said no. And when he suggested that the Hokage take care of me for him instead, the Hokage threw a book at him," I said, quite pleased with myself.

Minato was visibly alarmed.

Head still stuck to the table, Jiraiya turned to look at me such that his cheek was now squished up against the wood. "Quiet, you two-faced girl. You were so well-behaved and innocent-looking in the Hokage's office just now. I bet if he had known just what kind of monster you are, he wouldn't have a problem throwing you into the orphanage."

"So? What did you guys decide on?" Minato asked, forcibly changing the topic. "Obviously, leaving her with the mother isn't an option if she's still here."

"That won't do. Even I'm not so heartless to let her grow up in a brothel."

Gee thanks, I'm touched, Dad.

"They've decided that I'm going to live with you," I said with a big smile. "So I guess I'll be in your care now, _Minato-sama._"

Minato smiled back. "That's funny, Saki-chan."

"She's telling the truth, by the way," Jiraiya confirmed, sitting normally again and drinking his beer.

Minato's smile vanished. "What?"

"I can't take care of a kid," Jiraiya said like it was something obvious, "I've got a spy network to manage. Just because the war's over doesn't mean that Konoha doesn't need its informants anymore. In fact, I'll need to leave in a couple days time to _pay _said informants. I can't leave her by herself, and I definitely can't bring her with me. So, I'll be counting on you, Minato."

Nor did I really want to spend any more time with him. He snored loudly in his sleep. But _nooo_, nobody ever asked me for _my_ opinion on the matter.

"Counting on me?" Minato repeated, aghast. "Sensei! I'm only twenty-three! I don't know how to take care of a kid!"

Heh. If the war's just ended, that means that Naruto's going to be born in what...two or three years?

"Pfft," Jiraiya snorted. "Age has nothing to do with it. I'm almost forty and I _still_ have no idea how to take care of children."

Oi, Jiraiya. Is that really the kind of thing you can say while sounding proud of yourself?

"Plus," Jiraiya continued, "you've got Kushina. Y'all are living together now, right? That's perfect then! You, Kushina, and Saki can play house together! You _know_ she's good with kids."

"Don't drag Kushina into this," Minato grumbled.

"Minato. I'm trying to help you here, you know? Chicks _love _a man who can take care of kids. Trust me, take Saki and show her that you'll be a good dad and I guarantee Kushina will answer 'yes' the moment you pop the question!"

Minato's face went completely red, and he mumbled something I couldn't quite hear.

"You give _terrible_ romantic advice," I told Jiraiya.

"Shut up. You're four years old. What do you know about love?" Jiraiya harrumphed. "I give great advice. In fact, I could fill a book with all the tips and tricks I've given out over the years."

_You'd fill a whole trilogy_, I wanted to say. Wait a minute, I hope I didn't just give him any weird ideas about starting Icha Icha a little earlier.

"Oh?" I said, pretending to be impressed. "Then name me one woman you've had a meaningful relationship with."

Jiraiya flinched. A dejected expression flashed over his face as the Sannin was no doubt thinking about Tsunade. Yeah, she doesn't count, and you know it.

"Oh, how about-"

"-My mother doesn't count," I interrupted. "She clearly hates your guts after you knocked her up."

And with that, he made a glum face and turned away. "What were you saying earlier, Minato? I couldn't quite hear you."

I smirked. Coward.

Minato looked down, his face still red as he mumbled, "I uh...already asked her. She said 'yes'."

Jiraiya and I looked at each other.

"Huh? 'Yes' to what?" he asked.

"You know...popping the question?" Minato said, abashed. "I asked her to marry me, and...uh...she said 'yes'."

Wow, is this easily-embarrassed wuss really going to be the Yondaime Hokage? And did he really kill like...a thousand people in the war? I totally can't see it at all.

"What?!" Jiraiya stood up, slamming the table. "Congratulations, Minato! I knew you could do it. I know I was _super_ annoyed when you two were acting all lovey-dovey last week, but I'm really happy for you and her!"

"Congrats," I said.

"Thanks, you two," he said, rubbing the back of his head. He had a blissful expression on his face.

Too bad Jiraiya had to ruin the moment.

"So that means that Saki can like..._totally _stay with you guys, right? I mean, y'all are husband and wife already!"

Minato frowned. "Firstly, we haven't had the wedding yet. Secondly, just because we're engaged doesn't mean we're ready to start a family."

Jiraiya waved him off. "No no. You don't have to think of Saki like _that_. Think of her like a practice doll for when you two make your own kid in the future!-"

_What._

"-It's like... you know how some couples get a dog before having a kid? It's totally like that!"

"Excuse me?" I seethed out. "Aren't you supposed to be my father?"

"Yeah!" he whispered back. "I'm trying to _help you _here. Trust me, you'll be _waaay_ better off with him than me!"

Well...he's not wrong, I guess.

"Sensei," Minato suddenly sounded very serious. "Saki-chan's right. You're her father, so taking care of her is _your _responsibility. Dumping her to me isn't the right thing to do."

Why was he making it sound like I was bag of trash? Even being called a dog was better.

There was a glint in Jiraiya's eyes. So he'd anticipated this. Well, it was probably the most logical response any sane person would have to his request.

"Well...I'd love to raise her. I _really _would, you know? But if I do that, then I can't really be the spymaster of Konoha anymore. You know my job, I have to travel across the Elemental Nations, and a nomad's life isn't something a young child should go through. It'd be hard on her, and I wouldn't want my dear, sweet daughter to experience it."

The sheer amount of false sincerity he exuded was almost disgusting. Not that it diminished any of the logic or reasoning behind it. Jiraiya was actually being thoughtful for me. And himself, of course.

"Then give your job to someone else," Minato suggested, obviously not buying it.

Jiraiya made an exaggerated sigh as he shook his head. "Minato, Minato, Minato. You clearly don't know how the spy business works, do you? Do you know what's the most important thing in a spy network? It's _trust_."

That doesn't sound right.

"You see my contacts trust _me._ Not Konoha, not their own countries, but _me_. The Sannin, Jiraiya. They know I'll help them when they're in a pinch, and that I won't sell them out. They know they can trust my word. I didn't just build a network, Minato, I built _relationships_. So how do you think they're going to react when a random stranger suddenly comes in says that they'll be taking over my job?"

Minato frowned.

I found myself feeling impressed. So Jiraiya _could_ be smart when he wanted to.

"They'll bail, and Konoha will lose its eyes and ears," Jiraiya answered his own question. "And we can't have that. So obviously, me quitting my job is detrimental to Konoha. So in a way, you'll be doing the village a service by taking her in."

Minato glanced at me uncertainly. "Why me?" he asked.

"Because I trust you the most, of course," Jiraiya said without missing a beat. "You're my prized pupil. If there's anyone I know that can raise my daughter well, it's _you_."

Well isn't that a touching speech. Given the way Minato was biting his lip, he was probably actually starting to consider this.

What an idiot.

Not that I was going to say anything, this was good for me too.

Jiraiya immediately pounced on the opportunity. "I mean, you're my first choice, Minato. But, I guess if you don't want to help out your teacher, I can't force you. Then I'll just have to ask someone else like Orochimaru-"

_Please don't_. I shuddered. Anything but that.

"-Fine," Minato said, finally relenting. "I don't mind. But I'll let Kushina have the final say, okay?"

Awww, he's already whipped.

Jiraiya and I high-fived.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Uzumaki Kushina dropped her shopping bags onto the floor the moment she saw me in her living room.

With her fiery red hair, I instantly recognized her for who she was.

"Welcome home, Kushina," Minato said with a smile. "Meet-"

In the time it took for me to blink, she'd somehow managed to traverse the distance between the door to right in front of me.

Holy crap, ninjas were _fast_.

"SHE'S _ADORABLE_!" Kushina cooed, her fingers squeezing against my cheeks.

"-Saki," Minato completed, shoulders slumping in defeat.

"Hi there, Saki," Kushina said slowly and exaggeratedly, kneeling down so she could be at my height. "I'm Uzumaki Kushina."

"Hi there," I said, trying to mimic her customer-service-voice. "I'm Jiraiya's greatest mistake."

"Huh?"

Jiraiya, from where he was sitting down near the side of the room, cleared his throat. "What she means is that she's my daughter."

"Eh?"

"Jiraiya knocked up my mom and she didn't want me so now I'm stuck here with him," I explained to her as clearly as I could. Was it honestly so hard to believe? I mean, given Jiraiya's character, didn't this have a higher chance of happening than not?

Kushina stood up, her face locked in disbelief.

"Uh..." Visibly confused, the redhead alternated between looking at Jiraiya angrily and at me sympathetically.

"The Sandaime's already chewed his head out," Minato supplied helpfully, nudging his head towards Jiraiya.

"You _poor _thing!" Kushina immediately knelt down again and enveloped me in a hug. "It must have been so hard on you. To grow up not knowing your father and only to realize that it's _him_ of all people!"

I blinked in surprise at the sudden display of affection that didn't quite seem to match the words she was saying.

"I'm alright," I said, trying to wriggle out of her grasp. She wouldn't let me. "I prefer being with him, anyway."

"Really?" she sounded surprised as she finally let me go. "Who's your mother? Where is she now?"

"She's a prostitute," I replied. "She's probably still in Yugakure, sucking some random dude's coc-"

"-and that's enough," Jiraiya interrupted. Then he glared at me. "You're supposed to get her to _like _you, remember?"

I shrugged. "She asked and I answered."

Kushina was staring at me, wide-eyed.

"Yeah," Minato put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I was surprised when I first heard her speak too."

Hearing Minato's words, Kushina recovered. "So...you grew up in a brothel?" she asked.

I nodded. "I helped out."

Kushina blinked. "Helped out..._how_?"

Oh. I should've been more specific.

"Nothing like what you're thinking!" I immediately denied. "I'm still a pure and innocent virgin maiden!"

"You only got that last part right," Jiraiya remarked.

I shot him a dirty look and he laughed. Then turning back to Kushina, I said, "you know, chores and stuff like that. Cleaning, greeting customers, laundry..." I laughed. "You would not believe the kind of stains I've had to remove!"

I smiled at Kushina, but she wasn't laughing at my joke. Nobody was, though I could tell Jiraiya was trying hard to hide his grin.

Kushina looked at the other two adults in the room. "I know that kids brought up in those kinds of environments don't really have the best upbringing, but..."

"I have a feeling she was messed up the moment she was born," Jiraiya drawled out. "Her mom said that they only kept her around for so long because she was funny and useful."

"Sounds like a tough life," Minato said.

"It was fun," I said, shrugging. "A lot of the men got drunk or were bored while waiting for their turns. They told me all kinds of funny stories."

Now if only they'd let me drink with them. That would've been the life.

"I'm assuming that those stories weren't your average children's fairy tale or bedtime story," Kushina said, taking a rather stern tone.

"Not in the slightest," I confirmed jovially. "Would you like to hear them?"

Her smile was forced. "Maybe next time."

"Next time like tomorrow? Or next time as in fourteen years from now when I'm eighteen?"

"Let's go with the second one," Kushina said uncomfortably. "So...you'll be staying with Jiraiya now?" she asked, a blatant attempt at changing the topic.

Why did grownups like doing that around me so much? It made it so much harder to crack dirty jokes!

"Ah. About that," Jiraiya said. Then he paused and looked at his student. "Minato, don't you have something to say?"

Looking displeased, Minato let out an awkward chuckle. "So you see, because of Jiraiya's job as Konoha's spymaster, he can't really take care of Saki. So the Sandaime has asked if we wouldn't mind taking her in for a little bit."

Kushina tilted her head and looked down at me.

I gave her a big, cheesy grin.

"You mean, Jiraiya isn't going to man up and take care of her himself?" she asked in a very innocent manner.

"Nope," was Minato's curt response.

"Why, Kushina, have I congratulated you on your engagement yet? I swear, you two were _made_ for each other." Jiraiya suddenly chimed in.

Real smooth, old man.

"Really? Thanks! I-" Kushina gushed for about three seconds before pausing. Then her happy face transformed into one of righteous fury as she stormed towards the Sannin. "WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM, YOU BAS-" She stopped again, looking at me in horror.

What, bastard? I know that word already, ma'am.

"Bas...ket," she awkwardly amended.

"YOU BASKET!" She turned to Jiraiya again, grabbing his shirt. "SHE'S YOUR FREAKING DAUGHTER!"

"I already know that!" Jiraiya immediately replied. "But this is good for her too!"

"Like hell it is!"

"C'mon, Kushina. You know _full well_ I am incapable and unqualified to take care of another human being. Isn't it better for her to be raised by two _normal _and _loving _parents?" Jiraiya asked, waggling his eyebrows at me. "Ask her. She'll pick you two over me any day."

Kushina turned to me out of reflex.

I bowed deeply to her. "I'd rather not spend any more time with that sleazeball."

"Ouch." Jiraiya winced. "Even though it's true, it hurts. Is it because she's my kid?"

Kushina finally let him go. She had a very undecided look on her face, glancing between a beaming me and a hopeful-looking Jiraiya.

"Kushina, we've always talked about starting a family together, right?" Minato coaxed. "And I know the circumstances aren't what we were imagining, but this could be our first step."

Oof. Nice boyfriend speech, Minato.

"Well..." Kushina pondered. "I mean it's not like I don't _want _her."

"_Please_," I said, bowing my head a little. "Don't leave me with _him_," I said, pointing towards Jiraiya.

"Uhnnn..." Kushina continued to make indecisive sounds.

Time to bust out the trump card, then.

"I want to have fun living with you, Kushina-_neechan_."

"I WANT HER!"

Alright, so that's one objective checked from 'Operation: Happily Ever After'.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:Thoughts? I really want to know about how you guys feel about the writing, rather than the plot, for now.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The problem with Slice of Life Fics is that sometimes there's really nothing to do but dialogue. Sighz.**

**Chapter 2**

Jiraiya left Konoha without even saying goodbye, that shitty old perv.

Well, he had made it clear from the start that he didn't want anything to do with me. At least not until I was older.

And that left me with Minato and Kushina, my two new favorite people so far in the Naruto-verse.

I gave them a big smile as I came out of my room to the dining table. "Good morning!"

Kushina replied with an even bigger smile, and Minato's grin was awkward but cute in its own way.

"You two were really loud last night," I added, making sure I was still smiling brightly like the cute four-year-old I was.

And then their smiles sunk from their faces like bricks dropped in water. Kushina's face went as red as her hair. Minato choked on his toast.

"You...you heard all that?" Kushina stuttered.

I grinned. "_Everything_. The walls are thin, you know?"

But not thin enough, actually. Their door was way thinner. The moment I'd felt the weak vibrations last night, I'd gone and pressed my ear against their bedroom door. It was pretty vanilla actually, nothing like the kind of things I would hear in my previous home.

It might have been borderline voyeurism, but I wasn't going to miss Naruto's conception for anything!

"Ah well," Minato said, clearing his throat. "Kushina and I like to uh..._wrestle_. I'm sorry if we woke you up."

I said nothing as I climbed up into my chair. My breakfast was already on the table. Eggs with toast. Way better than what I had in the brothel.

I took a bite and swallowed. As usual, Kushina's cooking was delicious.

I relished in the stare that the engaged couple was giving me.

"If that was wrestling," I finally replied, "then my mom must have been national champion."

"Urk," Minato made a noise. "I forgot about that."

I waved my hand dismissively. "You guys don't have to keep things PG for me. Go nuts. Heck, you guys can even _show_ nuts. There's nothing I haven't seen or heard."

"Saki-chan," Kushina said. "That's not the way we want to raise our child."

"You gotta _make _one before you can raise one though," I pointed out.

Kushina frowned. "What about you? I know we might not be your real parents, but Minato and I would really like for you to be part of our family."

I stopped eating. I wasn't going to lie to myself. My heart fluttered a little. Goddamn it. These two were amazing people. Why did they have to be killed off before they could find happiness?

Well, with me around, that's not going to happen this time.

"I'm incorrigible though. Beyond salvation. I've gone too far into the deep end. You can't teach an old dog new tricks," I said, listing off what idioms I could remember.

"You're four," Minato said flatly.

"That's almost the number of fingers I have on one hand," I said, bringing up my palm to prove the point. "That's old."

"What does that make us then?" Minato chuckled.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Horny?"

Kushina spat out her drink. "Saki-chan! That's not the kind of language a child should be using!"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. The two of you are undergoing physiological changes including hormonal imbalances which increases your attraction to members of the opposite gender. This in turn intensifies your desire to engage in copulation with them in order to create offspring to ensure the continuity of your species."

They were around that age, right? Where adults actually wanted to settle down instead of having meaningless sex. I don't think I ever reached that stage in my previous life.

Minato was blinking at me profusely. "That's _definitely _not the kind of language that a child should be using."

"Make up your minds already," I groaned.

A knock on the door elicited sighs of reliefs from both adults.

"Oh good, Kakashi's here," Minato said.

Huh?

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"This is my student, Hatake Kakashi," Minato introduced. "Kushina and I have a few errands to run. He'll be taking care of you for a little bit."

The masked, shorter-than-I-envisioned, one-eyed teenager gave a short bow. "Nice to meet you," he mumbled out, not even meeting my eye. He was slouching too, with his hands stuck deeply into his pockets.

Wow, I've never met anyone so far who exuded such a strong I-don't-want-to-be-here-but-I-was-forced-to-come vibe.

"You're wearing a mask," I said. "Are you sick?"

"No," he said.

"Then why are you wearing one?"

"Because I want to."

We never really got to see Kakashi's face in the anime or manga, right? This was my chance!

I smirked. "I bet you're ugly underneath it."

His lone eye narrowed onto me for the first time.

Kushina lightly smacked the back of my head. "Saki-chan, that's not a nice thing to say!"

Kakashi leaned towards me. He pointed at the forehead protector bearing Konoha's crest covering his other eye. "Do you know what this is?" he asked.

"Duh, Minato and Kushina both have one," I said disinterestedly. "It's a forehead protector."

"And do you know what it means?" he asked again, trying to sound intimidating.

"That you're a ninja," I replied. I showed off my perfect baby teeth to him. "But you must not be a very good one if you don't know all this."

His hand reached over and cupped my head. Kakashi had a really strong grip. It actually hurt a little. Maybe my last reply was a little too sassy? "Do you know what ninjas can do?"

"Shoot fireballs, walk on walls, punch rocks."

He let go off my head and pat it instead. "Good."

"My turn," I said, pointing at my own, very empty forehead. "Do you know what this is?"

Kakashi cocked his head. He snorted. "What?"

"A civilian. A child, no less," I replied. "Which means that it's _your_ job to _protect_ me."

Kakashi turned back to Minato, who looked very done with the situation. Kushina, on the other hand, was biting her lips and trying hard not to laugh.

"I don't like her," the gray-haired teen declared.

"She grows on you," Minato said reassuringly.

Kakashi faced me. I waved to him.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Minato swallowed. "I hope so."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"What do you do for fun, Kakashi?" I asked.

"I train," he replied, not looking up from the book he was reading. I craned my neck, trying to read the title. Had he started reading porn in public yet?

A little dismayed, I learned that he hadn't.

"Train?" I repeated. "That doesn't sound very fun."

"It's not. But a ninja's life isn't meant to be fun. It's dangerous. And if we don't get stronger, we die."

Ah, right. Rin's death. And Obito's too. Clearly he was still in his emo phase.

What to do about that, hm...

"What happened to your eye?"

A wince. Still touchy about, of course. Too recent.

"Lost it in an accident," he said, emotionless.

I clambered up to his lap. "So it's just like an empty hole there?" I asked, pretending to sound intrigued. "Lemme see!"

"No."

I pouted. "Spoilsport."

Well, these things took time. And for Kakashi's case, it had originally taken a _really long_ time, especially after Minato's impending death.

Baby steps.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Not particularly."

"I'm going to make a sandwich. Do you want one?"

"No."

"Okay then."

He remained in his spot as I toddled my way into the kitchen. I grabbed a stool to stand on so I could reach the kitchen counter.

As usual, Kushina left the knife on the chopping board. _This woman is clearly not fit to be a mom yet_, I sighed as I shook my head.

A hand stopped me the moment I made a move to grab it.

"So you _do_ care," I said, not hiding my grin.

Kakashi lifted me off the stool and placed me on the ground. "Sensei asked me to keep you out of trouble. That means no knives."

"Just admit that you were worried about me," I said playfully.

He gave me an unamused look. "After this, I'm a little more worried for Sensei."

"He'll be fine," I said. "He's strong and smart, right?"

"He is," Kakashi agreed. "He's destined for great things. So don't hold him back by creating trouble for him."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hatake-san."

His lone eye _glared_ at me. "You're quite the monster."

"That's funny." I laughed. "_I'm _the monster? Considering who lives in this house?"

I was in the air before I knew it. Kakashi was gripping the back of my shirt tightly and dangling me in the air. For the first time, I actually felt a little frightened.

He eye pierced into mine. "What do you mean by that?"

I gulped. I hadn't expected him to react like that. Why...

Oh shit. I messed up. Kushina was the Jinchuuriki for the Kyuubi. I hadn't meant it that way, but given the way I'd phrased it...I slipped up.

"The Yellow Flash, of course," I lied. I didn't bother trying to hide my nervousness. Any child would have been scared in this scenario, I reasoned. "Fastest man alive. Single-handedly won the war for Konoha. I hear he's being considered as the next Hokage. And you think a four-year-old girl here is the monster?"

He dropped me. Not that he looked any less angry afterwards.

"You talk too much," he said. "You're only adding to his workload and responsibilities."

"You're one to talk," I said coldly. "Just last night I overheard him talking to Kushina. He was worried about you doing something stupid, and wondered if he needed to keep a closer eye on you. You're the one that's burdening him."

Kakashi froze.

It was a complete lie of course. Minato had said no such thing, though I was pretty sure that the man was worried about his student anyway.

Kakashi obviously bought it.

He stood up and left without a word, leaving me alone in the house with only my thoughts.

Maybe...maybe I went a little too far?

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Where's Kakashi?" Minato asked in surprise when he arrived back home with Kushina.

"He left," I replied casually.

He sighed. "You made him angry, didn't you?"

"A little bit," I admitted. "It was an accident. I didn't expect him to be so sensitive."

"He hasn't had an easy life," Minato said forlornly. "He's been through a lot. He tries to hide it, but it's still weighing on him."

"It's not like my childhood's been a bed of roses either," I pointed out. "But you don't see me throwing hissy fits."

"You're different, Saki."

"Everybody's different."

"Kakashi-kun's been through alot, okay!" Kushina snapped. "Just..." her voice mellowed out slowly. "Just be patient with him, and he'll open up to you. It's not my place to say this, but he's gone through far worse than you."

Her outburst caught me a little off guard, and begrudgingly I admitted she wasn't wrong.

"Well," I crossed my arms, "he shouldn't have had to."

Mother died when he was a child.

Father committed suicide.

Best friend died saving him.

Other best friend was killed _by _him.

Talk about shitty origin stories. Geez, Kishimoto's a sadist, really.

"No," Minato agreed, "he shouldn't have. But things happen, Saki, and we can't always be in control of what happens in our lives."

"But we can control how we respond to it. And Kakashi's being a baby," I grumbled.

Minato placed a hand on my head. "Not everyone's as strong and mature as you, Saki."

He's been calling me _Saki_ lately, I realized, not Saki-_chan_ like Kushina.

I shot him a strange look. "I'm only four."

He smiled. "Yes, but everybody's different."

There was a long pause after that. I found it a little awkward, so I buried my nose into the book in my hands.

"Saki-chan." Kushina stopped in front of me. "What...what are you reading?"

"Oh this?" I raised the book a little so she could see the title. "Kakashi left this behind. I was a little bored, so I started reading it. It's interesting."

"That's a mathematical and physical guide to launching projectiles," Kushina said blankly.

"I know. I've been reading it." I flipped a page. "I'm at the part where they're teaching you how hard you need to spin the Shuriken to make it do a U-turn in the air. Like a boomerang." I laughed.

I wasn't an engineering student for nothing, you know.

"That's right, Saki-chan" Kushina said cheerfully. "Like a boomerang." Her eyes suddenly widened. "Wait a minute, do you actually understand-"

Minato's hand on her shoulder caused her to stop mid-sentence.

"Saki-chan. What do you think of the book?" he asked, almost carefully.

I hesitated, weighing my options. Ah, screw it, let's mess with their minds a little.

"Well, the author isn't completely correct sometimes," I said, flipping to one particular section that had troubled me. I pointed to an equation. "Here, when he was describing the variables for air resistance, he completely missed out on mentioning the density of air. Sure, I get that the density is normally the same, but what if you're in Kumo, where the elevation is higher, causing the air to be thinner?"

Kushina was staring at the page intently. "I don't understand this at all," she announced.

"What."

She stuck a tongue out sheepishly. "I was never good at Shurikenjutsu. That's Minato's thing."

Judging by the thoughtful look on said man's face, it really was. "That's true...most textbooks omit air density, citing it as a constant instead, but...Saki, how come you can understand all this?"

"Because I'm smart."

"And humble," Kushina noted.

"This is beyond _smart_," Minato said excitedly. "This is _prodigious_."

Oh shit, I take it back, I'm not smart at all. No no no, that's a bad label and I don't want it tagged to me. Damn it, why did I always like to act like a smartass?

"Saki," Minato grabbed me by the shoulders. "Do you want to be a ninja?"

I gave him the biggest, most cheerful smile I could muster.

"Not a chance in hell."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"But being a ninja is fun!" Kushina wailed loudly.

"Really," I said, completely unconvinced. "You guys just got out of a war, can you really say that with a straight face?"

Kushina winced. "Okay fine. It's not fun, but it's fulfilling and empowering! You feel like a total badass!" She pumped her fist into the air.

I turned to Minato. "Are you really okay with her using that argument to motivate me?"

"Whatever works," he said, trying hard to hide his disappointment.

Yeah, his whole grand speech about loving the village, protecting people, and the Will of Fire hadn't worked on me in the slightest.

Save that for when you give birth to Naruto, okay?

"I saw those Genin picking up the trash for their missions earlier. Really gave off those badass vibes. Try again."

She made an unhappy face. "Saki-chan! You're a genius, so you'll definitely be a strong ninja! It's such a waste of talent and potential!"

"Guess what else would be a waste of talent and potential?" I retorted. "Me _dying_."

"You won't die!" Kushina said in horror. Then she paused and added meekly, "probably."

"What would you like to be then?" Minato asked.

I stared at Minato like he was an idiot. "I'm _four_. How the heck am I supposed to know my dreams for the future?"

I actually did have plans. I was going to start the Industrial Revolution of the Naruto-verse.

Steam engines. Cars. Assembly-line factories.

I was going to get _rich_.

But obviously, I couldn't tell all this to Minato.

He'd steal my ideas.

"Right," Minato said, slightly embarrassed, scratching his neck. "Sometimes I forget you're just a kid."

"You'll have to decide soon though," Kushina said worriedly. "We don't have much time before we choose which school to enroll you in."

Right. The Academy.

"I've already decided," I said, crossing my arms. "I'm not going to Ninja School."

"Saki-chan, don't be silly," Kushina said gently. "You haven't made up your mind yet. We've got almost two whole years to decide!"

"You mean _you've _got two years to change my mind."

"Oh, Saki-chan, you're so smart! See, this is why you're destined to be a great ninja!"

"Not happening."

Kushina placed a hand on my head and laughed. "Don't worry. Kushina-_neesan_'s got all kinds of tricks to change your mind."

And for the second time that day, I felt fear.

**A/N: Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**EDIT: Fixed the formatting! geez, idk what happened there**

**A/N: Never really understood why I stopped updating this even though I really enjoyed it. Anyway, here's a short one to get me back in the mood, maybe? Let me know if you liked it!**

**Chapter 3: **

"Hokage-sama," Minato said, "you know she's not a normal girl, right?"

"From what Jiraiya's told me, yes."

"She's smart! Almost unbelievably so! Everytime she talks, I get the feeling that I'm talking to an adult. There's something off about her."

The Third Hokage exhaled a puff of smoke and put his pipe back into his mouth. "I imagine growing up in a brothel would make anyone more mature."

"It's not just that! She's _smart_ smart. She was reading a book on advanced projectile motion, and she understood it! We're talking about someone on the same level as Kakashi, or maybe Fugaku's son. A prodigy!"

"There are rules, Minato. Jiraiya's daughter or not, we can't just let her into the Academy just because she's smart. She hasn't even been in this village for a month. Additionally, she's not even five."

"Fugaku's son is attending it soon, isn't he?"

"Itachi-kun? He's enrolling the next semester, when he turns five. But he already has prior training with his clan. Saki-chan is a civilian, despite her parentage."

"We'll train her. Kushina and I. We _know_ she'll be a great ninja."

"I have no doubt about that," the Hokage replied. "I just don't see the point in starting so early. The war's over, Minato. We don't have to pump out child soldiers anymore. As a potential candidate to succeed me, you should understand stand this."

Minato flinched.

"See?" I said, from where I'd been sitting silently the whole time, "told you so."

A dejected sigh left Minato's lips.

"And how have you been, Saki-chan?" Sarutobi Hiruzen finally turned to me. "I hear that you don't want to be a ninja. Why is that?"

"Because I don't want to die?"

The Hokage looked at Minato with an appraising eye. "You're right. She is smart."

Then he looked at me again. "But everyone dies sooner or later. You know that, right?"

"I do," I said. "But ninjas die sooner."

He chuckled. "Well, that depends really. Ninjas know how to defend themselves. Civilians…not so much."

"I'll get rich," I said, "and I'll hire lots of ninjas to protect me."

"That is a fine idea," Hiruzen said lightheartedly, "and as Hokage, I hope you choose Konoha Shinobi. We'd love to have your business."

"Well," I said, "then you're going to have to incentivize me. Tax breaks, lax market regulations, minimal labor welfare, that sort of thing."

The Hokage blinked. He looked to Minato questioningly.

"What?" Minato asked. "I already told you she was _smart_ smart."

I smiled at the two adults.

The Hokage cleared his throat. "Erm. That's more up to the civilian council to decide, I'm afraid."

"There's a civilian council?" I asked.

Both men nodded.

"Great! How do I sign up?"

**XxXxXxXxX**

With his lone eye, Kakashi glared at me from across the table.

"Hi there," I said.

"Sensei," the boy growled out, "you didn't tell me she would be here."

"She lives here Kakashi," Minato said, "where else would she eat dinner?"

"You don't have to feed her just because she lives with you."

"Hey!" I said, "they're feeding _you_ even though _you_ don't even live here!"

"Be nice, the two of you," Minato said sternly.

"I'm nice," I'm muttered, "I'm always nice. And polite. And cordial, too."

Kakashi glared at me so hard that I wondered if his other eye behind his forehead protector would start bleeding.

Admittedly, I was not very good at mending bridges. But it takes two hands to clap, and Kakashi was hiding his firmly behind his back.

"Dinner's ready!" Kushina called, carrying a tray filled with plates and bowls.

"Food!" I said happily, as Kushina began to lay the dishes out on the table. Ohhhh, it looked good. Grilled beef, fried fish, and a whole roasted chicken.

Then Kushina put a bowl in front of me. "And this is for you, Saki-chan!" she said, beaming at me.

I looked down.

"What's this?" I asked. It was a plastic spoon and fork. The kinds babies used. And there was also a plastic bowl. The anti-spill kind that babies also used. And in that bowl was plain porridge, the bland, gray slop that babies ate.

"It's your dinner!" Kushina said, clapping her hands gleefully.

I frowned. I looked at the other dishes.

Kushina caught me ogling at them. "That's adult food," she chided with a smile. "You were right, Saki-chan. You're too young to be a ninja. You're so smart that I forgot that you were four years old! But don't  
worry, I'll make sure to remember that you're just a child from now on!"

My mouth dropped.

So, this was how she was going to play it.

I looked to Minato for help. The very guilty expression he was giving me told me that he was in on this.

Kakashi snorted from where he sat.

"But I want meat," I said to Kushina.

"You can have meat when you're an adult."

"That's years away!"

"Did you know, Saki-chan," Kushina said innocently, "that Shinobi are legally adults?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "This is blackmail."

"Oh, you're so clever, Saki-chan," she cooed.

I glared at her.

She smiled sweetly back.

I ate my porridge.

Well, two can play at that game.

**XxXxXxXxX **

_BAM! BAM! BAM!_

The door swung open and Minato's sleepy-looking head, his blond hair all over the place, popped out.

"Yes, Saki?"

I sniffled. "Minato, can you call Kushina? I wet my bed."

He sighed. "Again?"

I nodded.

He slinked back to his room. Seconds later, stomping footsteps and grumbled curses could be heard. Kushina, hair crazed and eyebags heavy, appeared. Upon seeing me, her scowl vanished, and she knelt down and ruffled my head with her very sharp nails.

"You wet the bed again, Saki-chan?"

I nodded and sniffled.

"Oh dear. That's the fourth time tonight, isn't it? What happened?"

I sniffled again. "I had a very bad nightmare. I was drowning in porridge."

I saw her eyelid twitch.

"That sounds terrible," she said.

"It was horrible," I agreed. "That's why I wet the bed."

Her comforting smile was forced. "I'm sure that's why."

I got bacon for my next breakfast.

**XxXxXxXxX **

Life went on. Things fell into a lull.

Kushina and I ended up in a stalemate where she was constantly trying out new tactics to convince me to become a ninja, though I always managed to counter them in the end. Minato got progressively busier as the Hokage selections went into the next stage. Rumors were starting to fly.

Unfortunately, some of those rumors concerned me.

But then again, I never really knew if it was supposed to be a secret that I was the illegitimate daughter of Jiraiya. I got odd looks wherever I went, even when I was by myself.

One day, when it was just two of us, I asked Kushina about it.

"Kushina-neesan, do people know that Jiraiya's my father?"

She looked up from the seal she was drawing.

"Some people do. It's not something we announced publicly, but it's not really a secret either. Everyone knows about the close relationship Minato had with Jiraiya, and so when a white-haired girl pops up in our home, it isn't very hard to draw the link."

She was uncharacteristically serious, though I supposed that was because of the sealing work.

"Will they give me trouble?" I asked.

"No, why? Are people staring and whispering?"

"Kind of."

"Just ignore them. People love gossiping here. But Jiraiya's a war hero, so I don't think anyone will try to hurt you. They might ask you questions, but you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to."

"Minato's a war hero too, isn't he? People stare at him all the time too."

"Yes," she answered, quite proud.

I braced myself. I'd prepared this for a long time now.

"What about you, Kushina-neesan?" I asked, "are you a war hero?"

I thought it was amazing how she could continue drawing her seal fluidly despite how her face tensed up. The moment she was done with that stroke, however, she set her brush down to the side.

"No, Saki-chan. I'm good, but not that good."

I blinked as innocently as I could.

"But people stare at you too, Kushina-neesan."

This time, there was no visible reaction. "Well, I am engaged to the Yellow Flash," she said with a smile. "And I might be the wife to the future Hokage."

"They called you a monster."

There was a sharp intake of breath through her nose.

It was true. But the two ninjas who had said it had only done it behind her back, and the only reason why I'd overheard it at all was because I'd been looking out for it since I came.

There was a very long pause. She closed her eyes, and it looked as if she was meditating.

Finally, she opened them. "Do you think I'm a monster, Saki-chan?"

I considered the question. "You fed me all that porridge," I pointed out. "And there was that time you baby-proofed the home, not that it worked, because I know how dual-mechanism doors work. And what about when you made me wear pink for a whole week?"

She laughed. A sincere, and hearty laugh.

"That does sound like something a monster would do."

"Do they try to hurt you?" I asked. "The people who stare at you."

"Hah!" she scoffed, "I'd like to see them try. I'm a Jounin, you know!"

I nodded in agreement. "If people are calling you a monster, then it means that they must be scared of you, aren't they?"

Her confidence faltered. Her lips quivered. "Saki-chan."

"Yes, Kushina-neesan?"

"Please don't use that word in this house anymore, okay?"

"Did…did I say something bad?"

"No, no, no," she rushed up, and wrapped me in a hug.

I was completely taken aback. She squeezed me into her chest. Had I gone too far?

"It's not anything you said. You're a good girl, Saki-chan. I know you are."

Damn these guilty feelings. But I needed to do this. I had to get them to trust me.

I wasn't going to let them die.

I tiptoed so my lips reached her ears.

"I think you and Minato are good people too."

Baby steps.

**A/N: Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ****I think short and frequent chapters will be how I go about with this fic. Of course, it won't be this frequent in the long run.**

**Chapter 4:**

Slightly more than a month after I entered Konoha, Minato was confirmed to be the Fourth Hokage.

"Good job, Minato," I said, reaching up and trying to pat his back, but I could only reach his butt, so I patted that instead.

It felt soft and nice.

He quickly peeled my hand away and gave me an uncomfortable look. "Thank you, Saki."

"I always knew you had it in you, Minato. The moment I met you, I could already tell you were destined for great things."

"You know, Saki," he laughed, "I think I can say the same for you."

I smiled brightly at him. "I'm not going to be a ninja."

He smiled back. "You never know what the future's going to bring."

_Jokes on you_, I thought, _I do_.

"This calls for a celebration!" Kushina declared, "and all celebrations require good food!"

"What did you cook?" I asked.

"Nothing!" she replied cheerfully. "We're going to Ichiraku's! The whole stand is booked for us tonight!"

"You can do that?" Minato asked.

"Nope!" she said, "but if I say that the future Hokage requested it, Teuchi can't say no."

Minato looked mildly horrified. "K-Kushina, you can't just use my name for things like that…"

"Sure, I can!"

And sure, she did.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Ichiraku's ramen bar didn't sit many people. There was me, Minato, Kushina, Kakashi, and four other people I didn't recognize. Kakashi, the rude little punk he was, sat as far away as me as possible, meaning that the two of us sat on the opposite ends of the counter.

"So this is the infamous Saki-chan that Kushina can't stop talking about." The woman sitting next to Kushina leaned forward and smiled at me. "Nice to meet you, I'm Uchiha Mikoto."

"Uchiha?" I repeated.

Was this…Sasuke's mom?

"You've heard of us?" she asked.

"People say the Uchihas have pretty eyes," I said. She certainly did look like the brothers, what with her onyx-black hair and sharp, oriental features. "But yours look pretty normal."

She burst into laughter and placed her hand on Kushina's shoulder. "You're right, she _is _quitecute."

"_Quite _cute?" I repeated hotly. "I'm abso-freaking-lutely _adorable_!"

Kushina sighed. "There's too much Jiraiya in her. Totally can't behave like a proper lady."

I shrugged. "I can copy my mom if you want."

Her face reddened. "Let's not."

"I've got a son around your age," Mikoto said, "you should meet him some time."

That would be Itachi, wouldn't it?

"That's a great idea!" Kushina gushed. "A playdate! But would Fugaku allow it? I mean, I know he's training Itachi-kun to prepare him for the Academy…"

"I'm sure he'll be open to the idea if I tell him it's Jiraiya-sama's daughter."

Kushina turned to me. "What do you say, Saki-chan? Do you want to make your first friend?"

I crossed my arms. "I already have a friend. Kaka-baka and I are best friends!"

"Saki! You can't call Kakashi that!" Kushina said sternly, while Mikoto began doubling over in laughter.

"This Itachi," I said, "is he going to the Academy and training to be a Shinobi?"

"Of course," Mikoto said, wiping away a tear. "He's very gifted."

I looked at Kushina, who developed a sudden interest in her empty bowl.

"Do you honestly think that this is going to work?"

"Think that what is going to work?" Kushina said, innocently.

"This. Making friends with Uchiha Itachi and hoping he can convince me to become a Shinobi."

"Saki-chan! I'm not planning anything like that! I've just noticed that you don't really play with kids of your own age, and I thought you'd like to meet someone who's more like you," she said, sounding hurt.

"Oh," I said.

"You need friends your own age, Saki-chan. You can't spend all your time with me, Minato, and Kakashi."

"But people my age are _stupid_."

"Itachi's smart," Kushina said, and then turned to Mikoto, "isn't he?"

"Very smart," Mikoto said, slightly embarrassed, but I could still hear the pride in her voice.

"As smart as you, at least," Kushina said. "I think."

My mind had already been made up from the start. As much of a good guy he ended up being, Uchiha Itachi was someone I did not want to get close to. The last thing I wanted was to befriend the sharpest ninja in the village.

"If I go on a playdate with him," I said, and here, Kushina looked very hopeful, "you should know that I'm going to convince him to stop being a Shinobi."

Her face paled.

Mikoto laughed it off. "You can try," she said, "but Itachi can be a very stubborn boy."

"Don't encourage her, Mikoto," Kushina said, holding her friend's wrist and shaking her head. "She means it."

The Uchiha matriarch looked at me with new eyes.

I smiled at her.

She smiled back, though she looked very uncomfortable. "I'll, erm, think about it."

But in the end, I did end up meeting Uchiha Itachi anyway.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Kushina and Minato decided to get married two weeks before the Hokage succession ceremony. That also meant that I would be seeing Jiraiya for the first time since I got dumped with the soon-to-be Namikazes.

With Kushina busy with wedding preparations, and Minato busy with Hokage matters, I offered to stay with Jiraiya for the time being. I could tell that they appreciated it.

"It's not much," Jiraiya said, opening the door, "but it's home."

He flicked on the light switch.

I stared at the sight in front of me.

I flicked the light switch back off.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Rebooting," I said. "Sometimes, when something goes wrong, you have to restart it and then it will be fine again."

I turned the lights back on.

"Jiraiya," I said.

"I'm your father," he grumbled. "At least call me Jiraiya-_san_."

"You live in a shithole."

"Hey!"

"What the heck is this?" I demanded, stomping forward and gesturing towards the small mountain of filled trashbags stacked on top of each other. It reached the ceiling and, more importantly, was blocking the shoerack. "Is collecting rubbish your hobby?"

"No," he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. "I keep forgetting what day I'm supposed to take the trash out."

"What about this?" I walked up further. "Why do you have a bowl of rotten fruit sitting on the floor here?"

"Oh!" he said, as if he'd remembered something important. "It was a gift! I got it on the morning I left, but I guess I forgot to put it in the fridge."

A large, black shape with too many legs crawled past a moldy apple and climbed into a banana that had gone so brown and soft it looked like poop. It might as well have been real poop for all that mattered.

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Look, Saki," Jiraiya pleaded, "I'm really sorry about that."

I kept my mouth closed. We were in the living room, which comprised of a lone table and a lone chair. I was sitting in my underwear, wringing my clothes dry.

"What's the point of being a ninja?" I asked, "if you have Jutsus that burn down a forest but can't dry wet clothes?"

"Because drying clothes isn't normally part of our job scopes."

"You should have thought about that before dousing me with that water Jutsu."

"You were about to burn my house down!"

"This isn't a house," I said, putting on my now-wrinkled but still-damp T-shirt. "This is a pigsty. It needs a factory reset. Raze it to the ground and build a new one."

"Alright, look," Jiraiya massaged his temples, "go take a bath, and I promise that by the time you're out, I'll have things sorted out."

I looked at him skeptically.

"Just because I'm lazy doesn't mean I'm incompetent," he said, nonplussed.

"If I see one more cockroach, you're paying for my hotel room."

"Fine."

"And you need to buy me new clothes for ruining my current ones."

"They're not ruined, they're just wet! They'll dry! What kind of four-year-old girl carries a box of matches with her at all times, anyway?"

"Minato gave them to me."

"_Why_?"

"Because I asked him for it?"

"And he said okay?"

"Yes. Because he knows I'm mature and responsible. Unlike a certain _someone_," I said, glaring at him.

He turned away. "I'll bet he'd give me a box of matches if I asked, too," he muttered.

"Yes, but only because he'd rather you use matches than a real fire Jutsu."

"Just go take your bath!"

"And my clothes?"

"We'll buy them tomorrow."

"Good, I need to wear something pretty and nice for the wedding."

**XxXxXxXxX**

To my surprise, Jiraiya kept his word. The house was practically spotless when I came out from the bathroom.

"You actually did it," I said, impressed.

"Course I did," Jiraiya said, "I'm a man of my word."

"Where did you hide the trash?" I asked suspiciously, looking around. There was no way he managed to throw them away properly. It wasn't trash day, after all.

He pulled a scroll out from his sleeve. "I sealed them."

I blinked. "You can do that?"

"Sure you can."

"Then why didn't you just do that from the start?"

"Because sealing paper's expensive!"

But my curiosity was piqued already. I'd seen Kushina draw seals lots of times. But she was always very serious about it, and I never actually saw what she did with them, so it'd slipped my mind that the seals wasn't limited to just warfare and the Tailed Beasts.

"Hey, Jiraiya," I said.

He sighed. "_What_."

"If I burned that scroll, what happens?"

His eye twitched. "Stop. Trying. To. Burn. My. Things."

I shook my head. "No, no, no. Scientifically speaking. If I burned that scroll, does whatever's sealed inside just…disappear with the scroll?"

His face took a more serious turn. "Well, it depends. If the entire piece of paper was simply vaporized on the spot, then yes, everything vanishes. But a normal fire burns unevenly, which means that some parts burn before others, and thus the chakra holding the seal together gets unbalanced, and this destabilizes the seal and it falls apart, and everything inside might tumble out." Then he shrugged. "Or the whole thing might just explode."

"Oh," I said, "I see."

"You do?" he asked, surprised.

"I think so?" I said.

"Sealing's tricky business, you know?"

"I don't actually."

"Well that's normal, most Jounins barely know anything beyond the basics of Sealing. They're happy with storage scrolls and explosive tags and basically just tools that'll help them on missions."

"Do you have to be a Shinobi to learn sealing?"

"You got to be familiar with chakra, I guess. But it's the same with any other ninja art. As long as you've got a good teacher, it doesn't matter if you've got a forehead protector or not."

"And are you a good teacher?"

His chest puffed out with pride. "Of course! I'm the best, you know! My student's the next Hokage!"

"Then teach me."

"What?"

"I said, teach me Sealing, _Dad_."

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Why does it take four hours for you to decide on a dress?"

"Because I was born with your ugly hair, so I need to make sure my dress is extra pretty to make up for it."

"My hair's not ugly."

I looked at Jiraiya questioningly.

"Okay," he admitted, "it's kind of bad, I know. But it helps me in a fight!"

Oh yeah, he had that weird porcupine-hair-needle technique, didn't he?

"And your hair's nice, Saki," he said, "it's smooth and silky like your mom's. There's a reason why I always choose her, you know?"

"You're saying I have the hair of a _whore_."

"A _really pretty_ whore."

I rolled my eyes.

"I saw her on the way back, by the way," he continued saying, as we walked out of the clothes shop. "She asked how you were doing."

"And what did you tell her?"

He cleared his throat exaggeratedly. "_How should I know? Obviously, I'm not the one raising her if I'm here with you. _Strangely enough, she seemed relieved with that answer."

I laughed. I pictured that conversation perfectly in my head and—

"Wait," I said, banishing the images in my mind. "When you said you saw her, did you…"

"Yeap," he said, "six times."

"Please tell me you used protection. I don't want a younger brother or sister."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes. I learn from my mistakes, you know."

"Gee, thanks."

He laughed and ruffled my hair with his big hand.

"Do you like it here, Saki?"

"It's not so bad. Better than the previous place, definitely."

"I quite like it here, to be honest. No place like home."

"You're barely ever even in the village."

"I'm a free spirit, Saki. I like wandering around. But some day, when I've seen all the things I want to see, and done all the things I want to do, I'll call it a day and just settle down here for good."

_No, you won't_, was my first thought.

We entered the next shop.

"Now," Jiraiya said, rubbing his hands together, "let's get you a brush. Every Sealmaster needs their own brush, just like how every chef needs their own knife, or how every blacksmith their own hammer."

I couldn't help but feel excited.

"Wait," Jiraiya suddenly stopped and looked at me, wide-eyed as if he'd just remembered something important, "you know how to read and write, right?"

**XxXxXxXxX**

It was a good thing I bought a _really pretty _dress, because as it turned out, I was the flower girl of the wedding.

And the flower boy was none other than Uchiha Itachi.

"Oh, you two are so _cute_ together," Mikoto cooed, giving us our baskets of petals. Itachi blushed, despite trying to look stalwart and emotionless.

Uchiha Itachi looked like a girl. He was slender. He had long hair tied into a low ponytail. He had sharp, porcelain-like features. He was also very quiet.

"Hi," I said to him.

"Hello," he replied softly back.

No, it wasn't shyness. He just seemed…aloof. Distant. He was looking up, staring at the sky.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.

He jolted. Then he looked at me. "The sky looks pretty today."

It was a cloudless day. Bright and sunny. Good for a wedding.

"It's just blue," I told him. "Nothing special about it."

"Exactly," he said.

_What a weird kid_, I thought.

But hey, it wasn't like I wanted to make friends with him in the first place.

For the rest of the wedding ceremony, we didn't speak. The happy couple said their vows, exchanged rings, kissed, and then walked off into the sunset.

They were happy. But that happiness, I knew, wasn't going to last very long.

Things were going to be beginning soon, and I had to start planning.

"You look worried," Itachi said.

"That's because I am," I said.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Kushina and Minato had planned a one-week honeymoon.

And that was pretty bad, because it meant Naruto was most likely to going to be born in around 9 months' time.

What made it worse was that it meant staying with Jiraiya even longer.

But Jiraiya was a busy man, and he needed to go to a nearby village for a day or two, apparently for some spy stuff.

Rather than leave me alone, he left me with 'a friend'.

"Sooooo," I said awkwardly, "nice to meet you?"

"Quite," the man standing across me drawled out.

I looked around. There were beakers, flasks, all sorts of scientific apparatus that made my fingers twitch in excitement.

This was the perfect chance, wasn't it?

But I could also ruin everything right here, right now.

But never let it be said that I didn't take risks.

"So, you're Orochimaru," I said. "I've heard a lot about you."

He looked impatient. "I hope they are good things."

I swallowed nervously. They said snakes could smell fear, and the odd way his tongue was trailing across his lips certainly wasn't giving me the confidence I sorely needed right now.

"They are. You're Konoha's top scientist."

"I suppose I am."

"I need your help."

"What for?"

"I need you to get materials for me. And to let me borrow your lab whenever I want."

He arched an eyebrow. "And why should I help a little girl with her science experiments and baking-soda volcanoes?"

"Because this little girl knows about the child experiments, the abducted Konoha-nin, and about _Danzo_."

The only reason his kunai did not slice cleanly through my neck was because of the kunai I held in my own hand.

Tri-pronged, like a fork, and a little slip of paper wrapped around the handle.

"_Just in case," _Minato had said, giving it to me before he left.

How convenient, and in more ways than one.

His eyes glared at it; his kunai was mere millimeters away from my throat.

"I'll keep your secrets if you keep mine," I said, slowly and softly.

Cautiously, he withdrew, staring at me with guarded, yet curious, slit-pupiled eyes as he stepped back. "You haven't told anyone?"

"No."

"Are you really Jiraiya's daughter?"

"Yes."

He made a noise that sounded like a laugh. "Interesting."

"You and I are more alike than you think," I said. "For one thing, we don't intend on staying in this village for long."

His smile was predatory. "And you wish to run with me?"

"No," I said immediately.

"A pity."

The tension slowly ebbed away. I kept the kunai in my hand anyway.

"So, Saki, was it? What do you want from me?"

_No going back now_, I thought.

"Do you know what cordite is?"

**XxXxXxXxX**

**A/N:**** Shit's getting real? Unlike my other ones, this story will be quite fast-paced.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: ****On hindsight I should've elaborated more on the Orochimaru part instead of ending it in a spot where there were **_**far **_**more questions than any kind of answers.**

**Chapter 5:**

In my previous life, I had an older brother.

He was quite an asshole.

One of his hobbies was collecting butterflies. We had a backyard back then, and my mother had grown a wonderful garden in it.

That was where he'd spend his Saturday afternoons—waiting in the garden, with his big net, for the butterflies that would inevitably be attracted to the colorful flowers my mother planted.

Those that he managed to catch, he'd pin them onto a corkboard, still alive, and it was always a grotesque sight watching the little creatures squirm and flap about helplessly with thumbtacks stabbed through their wings.

Kobayashi Yuki was Orochimaru's butterfly.

He had a wife, and two children, and was a Chunin of Konoha.

He'd been shaved bald and, from the bruises that could be seen on his naked torso, badly beaten.

Giant shackles pinned to the operating table. Several seals stuck to his body made sure he stayed there.

When we had first come in, he had glared at Orochimaru. The sheer amount of bloodlust directed towards the Sannin had affected me through proximity, and I had stumbled slightly in my step.

Then the pressure had dissipated when he saw me, and confusion could have been seen on his face, even if it was half-obscured by the giant metal ring that covered his mouth which kept him from speaking.

It didn't do much to stop his grunts, though.

But now the confusion was gone and only fear was left. His eyes, brown like the woods of the great oaks that surrounded Konoha, were staring at me widely. His movements were restricted, but the frantic clanking of chains and the desperate noises he was making were more than enough to tell me he was shaking his head fervently.

I didn't look to see—I was too preoccupied by the kunai, a normal one, that Orochimaru had placed in my hand.

I gulped. "What did you say?"

"Kill him."

The kunai in my hand grew heavier. At the same time, Minato's kunai, safely tucked in my pouch, made its presence known to me again.

"You can do it, can't you? I don't help children. Prove to me that you're an adult."

Kobayashi Yuki screamed something muffled and unintelligible.

"Don't…don't you need him for your experiments?" I asked.

"I can always get a replacement. You'd be surprised how easy it is to convince Konoha Shinobi on patrol to follow me."

Another scream from Kobayashi Yuki.

I turned to look at the man. The tears were flowing now. His frenzied stare turned pleading.

In contrast to Orochimaru, his muffled words to me were gentle and soft.

I bit my lip. "You know you're going to die anyway, don't you?"

Kobayashi Yuki startled.

Surprise. Betrayal. Acceptance.

He stopped moving. He stared at me with something akin to curiosity. There was a little bit of disappointment too.

I could still save him. I could have Minato here. He would save everyone. The hundreds of people that would die by Orochimaru's hands in the next decade or two.

But they weren't important.

Neither was Kobayashi Yuki.

Only a few people in this world mattered, and I was going to make sure that they lived, no matter the price.

I looked to Orochimaru.

"Where should I stab so that it's painless and quick?"

He grinned and pointed.

I bit my lip again.

Orochimaru would've killed him anyway, I thought to myself, as I sunk the kunai into Kobayashi Yuki's struggling body.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Jiraiya tossed a crumpled piece of paper at me.

"Try again."

"Are you serious?" I said. "That was literally my 45th time!"

"46th time's the charm, so they say."

"That's what you said about the 45th! And the 44th! And the 43rd!"

He shrugged. "It's not my fault you have shitty handwriting."

"It's these brushes. Why are they so hard to use?"

"Sealing's an art. You can't just pick up a brush and start drawing explosive tags without learning how to write your own name properly."

"I get _that_. But why can't I use a pencil?"

"Because it'll explode. Graphite can't hold much chakra."

"Oh."

This was taking too long. Jiraiya said that he wasn't going to teach me anything until I could consistently write my name perfectly. But it wasn't like withholding Sealing theory was going to somehow improve my calligraphy skills any faster.

I needed to complete Phase One of my plan before the Kyuubi attack. Otherwise, things were going to be very, very hard.

Thankfully, I'd made a new friend.

When Orochimaru opened the door, his disappointment and annoyance was quite visible.

"_You_," he hissed.

"Hi," I said, taking a small step backwards. "Can I borrow your library?"

His eyes narrowed. "What for?"

"Sealing. My dad's not teaching me anything until I get good with a brush."

"That seems wise of him."

"Yeah, but it's slow. I want to learn about it now."

"And why should I help you disobey Jiraiya?"

I tilted my head at him. "I'll tell you why you can't do Senjutsu if you let me use your library."

His eyes flickered with well-veiled surprise.

That was the thing about Orochimaru. He was a scientist, and all scientists were curious creatures.

He stepped aside. "Come in, Saki."

**XxXxXxXxX**

"So that's the problem," I told him, flipping through a book and then putting it back into its shelf. _Too hard_. "You can't form a balance with nature chakra because your own chakra's already so unstable from all the weird things you've done to yourself."

Sitting on a chair, he hummed in thought. "That's what I suspected, but…"

"It's hard shit. Senjutsu, I mean. Even Minato's not very good at it."

He scowled.

"Ouch, still sore from losing the Hokage's hat?"

He bared his teeth at me. "The only reason you're still alive, Saki, is because I find myself more curious about you than worried. If you were to add annoyance into the mix, that balance might shift considerably."

"Right," I said, drawing an imaginary zip across my mouth.

I'd pushed my luck far enough already.

"What I don't understand," he said, "is how you understand Senjutsu so well, but need my help for Sealing."

"Nobody's perfect."

He rolled his eyes at me.

"You know, I'd be out of your hair faster if you'd just help me find the right book, instead of sitting there and judging and trying to figure me out."

"What aspect of Sealing are you trying to learn?"

"Erm. The beginning?"

He let out a deep, exasperated breath. "I don't keep beginner-level books in my library."

"Oh."

"I thought you'd be smart enough to know that."

I shrugged. "Nobody's perfect?"

He scoffed.

"Where do I find some introductory books on Sealing then?"

"As a civilian? Nowhere."

I frowned. "That's inconvenient."

"Is it that important to you?"

I nodded.

He sighed. "I'll get my student to procure a few."

I blinked. "That's awfully kind of you."

"Come now," he drawled, "why do you sound so suspicious?"

"Because you're awful but not kind?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I'd help you," he smiled, "we're all in this together, aren't we, Saki?"

I tore my gaze away from Orochimaru's slit-like pupils, and my eyes landed on something hanging on the wall.

Huh. I never knew Orochimaru liked butterflies too.

**XxXxXxXxX**

When the Namikazes returned, I moved back with them.

Jiraiya had to leave Konoha again anyway.

Kushina was ecstatic when she found out I wanted to learn Sealing.

Minato…not so much.

"Of all the Shinobi disciplines, why are we starting her with the most difficult?"

"Saki-chan's smart! It won't be a problem for her. Besides, she's got _me_ to teach her!" Kushina said, flexing an arm.

"But—"

"Why are you even complaining, Minato?" Kushina said. "You should just be happy that she wants to learn _something _at all."

He looked at me.

I smiled back at him.

His shoulders sagged. "Fine. But take it slowly. She's not even five years old yet."

"Uzumakis started learning sealing the moment they learned to write," Kushina said.

Minato looked like he wanted to say something, but he sighed. "I'll leave her to you then, Kushina." Then he offered me a kind smile, "but don't hesitate to ask me anything if you have questions, Saki. I might be Hokage soon, but I'll always make time for family."

My hand started to tremble. Kobayashi Yuki's dying face resurfaced in my mind.

"You consider me…family?"

He laughed. "Of course!"

"You barely know me though."

"That's true," he said, nodding. But his smile didn't drop. "But that's the fun of it, isn't it? Getting to know one another?"

Before I could reply, Kushina tackled me in a hug. "Got that? We're _family_, Saki-chan, and I can't wait to spend the next few years getting to know you."

_I'm sorry, Kobayashi Yuki_, I thought, _but you really had to die._

**XxXxXxXxX**

It took a week before Kushina was satisfied with my calligraphy skills. Unlike Jiraiya, she did things the more direct way. I drew circles, lines, spirals, and all sorts of shapes and squiggles. The basic stuff. Characters would come later, she said.

And whenever Kushina went about running her own errands, I'd visit Orochimaru. True to his word, he'd gotten hold of a few introductory books on Sealing for me.

As someone who had spent decades of their life studying the laws of physics and understanding the universe through cold, hard, math, Sealing made zero sense to me.

Chakra really was hocus-pocus magical bullshit.

"All right," Kushina said, seriously. Our Sealing sessions were the only time she didn't get cuddly and touchy with me. It was like she turned into a completely different person. I guess this stuff really was that dangerous. "You probably won't accidentally blow yourself up while drawing simple Seals now."

"We're going to draw Seals now?" I asked, excitedly.

"No. You're going to learn how to use chakra."

I stared at her blankly.

"What?" she said. "You didn't think you could draw Seals without chakra, did you?"

"Well, erm..."

She looked amused. "Saki-chan. Sealing's still a Shinobi art. _Of course_ chakra's going to be involved. Imbuing the ink and strokes with your chakra is how you get them to work. Otherwise they'll be no different from pretty paintings."

"I always thought it was like…natural chakra, or something," I admitted. "Not my own."

She blinked in surprise. "Senjutsu? Where did you learn about that?"

Oh shit. I'd been spending too much time talking with Orochimaru. "Erm, Jiraiya mentioned it once, I think," I quickly said.

"Oh," Kushina said, seemingly buying it. "Well, I'm not very familiar with Senjutsu, but it's possible that as a Sage and a Sealing Master, he might know how to mix the two together."

The Cursed Seal, I remembered. Not Jiraiya, but Orochimaru's work. That would be interesting to look into and discuss with him if the chance ever came.

"But I have to ask, Saki-chan, before we go further," Kushina said, "why Sealing? It's not exactly a popular discipline. Is there a particular reason you wanted to learn it?"

I weighed my options. This time, going with the simplest truth seemed the best answer. Heck, it might even make things easier.

I pulled out Minato's kunai and set it on the table. "I want to learn the Hiraishin," I declared.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Kushina couldn't teach me the Hiraishin.

It wasn't because she didn't want to, she _couldn't_.

She didn't know how it worked, either. Apparently, there was a lot of math and physics involved and she gave up.

But I was sure that if she _did_ know it, she wouldn't teach me. She'd have to ask Minato at the very least, and I was certain he wouldn't do it.

It'd be like giving a child a nuclear bomb.

Luckily, I did know one person who had no qualms over trivial matters like ethics and responsibility, though he wouldn't be of as much help.

"The Hiraishin?" Orochimaru looked up, curiosity now mixed into his voice. "That's a lofty goal."

"I want to learn it," I repeated.

"Don't we all," he said dryly.

"I figured you would have done some research on it," I said. "If only to learn how to defend yourself from it."

His lips twitched. "You are correct."

"And? What did you learn about it?"

He sighed. "Not much, unfortunately. The only thing I've managed to do is to come up with a counter-Seal that can neutralize his markers. But it takes time to set up, so it isn't much use in a fight."

"I thought they couldn't be removed."

"Every Jutsu has a counter. Seals are no different."

I pulled out Minato's kunai.

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "I have a few of his Marker Seals—deactivated, of course—if you'd like to inspect them more closely. You know, without accidentally calling the Fourth Hokage into my laboratory."

I looked around. "This isn't one of your secret labs, though."

"Yes, but I'd rather not explain to him the nature of our relationship."

What we were, actually? Unofficial teacher and apprentice? Hostage and kidnapper? Partners-in-crime? And while Orochimaru seemed to tolerate my presence more and more, there was still that unspoken tension between us. But there was something he wanted out from me—that I had no doubt. And as long as it didn't interfere with my goals, I had no problem with that. To me, he was an asset. And it felt nice talking about the things I had no right to know with someone else.

"Show me then," I said.

Several dozen small strips of paper were laid out before me, all with deceptively simple-looking seals on them. I recognized them as completely identical to the one that was in my pocket.

And that was a problem.

"They're not serialized," I said.

Orochimaru looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"They're all exactly the same," I rephrased.

This time he understood what I meant. He nodded. "Yes. I noticed that. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? How he distinguishes a marker in Konoha, versus say…another one in the canyons of Kumo."

"How does he choose which kunai to teleport to?"

"There are three hurdles to replicating the Hiraishin," Orochimaru said. "That is one of them."

I looked at him. "And the other two?"

"One is the exact mechanism of the teleportation. I suspect that it's somewhat similar to the Summoning Technique, in terms of the space-time manipulation involved."

I nodded. I'd read that somewhere before.

"The third one is the mechanism of the Jutsu itself."

"Jutsu?" I asked.

"The Hiraishin is a Jutsu. Don't let the Markers fool you. Internal chakra manipulation plays a far bigger role in the Hiraishin than Sealing techniques. The Marker Seals are just that—markers. They might be difficult to understand, but they serve a relatively simple purpose in the grand scheme of things. It's an incredibly complicated technique, and I suspect, if hand-seals were involved, there would have to be at least several dozens of them. But even if hand-seals weren't necessary, it would take extremely complex chakra manipulation, transformation, and control to execute it."

I cursed silently. It had taken all three members of Minato's bodyguard squad to perform it, and they were Jounin.

"And the problem is," Orochimaru clicked his tongue in annoyance, "you can't solve any one of the puzzles without having already solved the other two."

"Basically," I said, "I'm going to have to learn to be Shinobi."

Orochimaru, for once, was visibly confused. "Wasn't that your plan in the first place?"

**XxXxXxXxX**

I groaned in bed.

Using chakra was more tiring than I thought. According to Kushina, I had more than a decent amount of it. Probably the result of having a Sannin for a father. I spent the whole day trying to access my chakra core-thingy, and then drawing from it.

At one point, it turned out I was just trying to make myself throw up.

As Kushina described it, I'd managed to make my chakra core-thingy 'wobble'. Tomorrow we'd be trying to get a steady stream of it to start flowing through my body.

Kushina had said it was perfectly normal to fail, which wasn't comforting at all, because I wasn't supposed to be a 'normal' child.

I thought back to my conversation with Orochimaru about the Hiraishin. I didn't know why I had ever expected to understand it easily, but now the truth was clear.

Things were…harder than I thought.

The three hurdles seemed impossibly high.

I blinked.

Three?

There were three people in Minato's bodyguard team, weren't there?

And when Naruto found it too difficult to perform the Rasengan and the Rasenshiruken, what did he do? He created clones and split the workload.

Did…did each bodyguard have their own specific role in the Hiraishin?

Were the three hurdles really just three separate tasks that needed to be combined together to perform the Hiraishin?

It was a small leap in logic, but it was an important one.

I couldn't help but smile. It was progress, at least.

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Do check out my new Pokemon Fic "Alola, Galar!" It's basically a story where the MC from the Sun&Moon game visits the Galar region.**


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